What a challenging time we are living through! Whew. Exhale, my friend. Finding stability in turbulence is a masterful stage of adult development. As we gain skills and confidence in times of uncertainty, we can bestow this legacy on our children and grandchildren. Are you committed to building stability under you, even as the waves of change are rising around us?
I am devoted to taking time for simple practices that stabilize my nervous system, clear out old conditioning and rules, and make space to recreate my world anew in each moment. Powerful, right?
Our sense of safety and security is being jeopardized by the novel coronavirus pandemic, and being isolated at home with “new normals” being created daily. If that isn’t enough, now the racial and social justice tensions are exploding. Wow—reminds me of the 1960s, when I was in high school and college.
A catalytic time we are living through. Let’s wake up and make the most progress for ourselves and for humanity, as we can.
Emotional stress is a real burden to carry. Most people come to counseling or coaching for guidance with the emotional realm. Old habits are deeply ingrained. Most of us tuck away feelings for later, when we can make sense of them. This is the “later” you have been avoiding.
We need to be conscious of our mindset, heart, and gut to discern what we are feeling.
We all have an often untapped capacity for feeling and understanding emotions. Learning to be aware of, honor, and work with our own emotions is a real stretch sometimes. Add to that our partner’s (and kids’) emotions—that’s a lot of emotional energy bouncing off the walls of our socially distancing uncertainty!!
Throughout my many decades of coaching, I’ve found a simple recipe for developing more emotional intelligence, which I call HeartWise™.
You may want to print this out and hang it in a spot where you’ll see it often!
Meet Your Emotions
1. Be aware of your body.
Emotions express themselves in the physical body, so scan your body regularly to get to know yourself in the emotional realm. “Body scanning” simply means bringing your attention to what’s going on in your body. Start by noticing your breathing. As you slow down, you can become aware of any discomfort or compelling/intense energy that you feel. Accept what you notice, not as a problem, but as a gift in self-awareness.
2. Explore and name the feeling.
Measure the intensity on a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is most intense.
Experience the feeling—let yourself feel it; explore it; interact with what is going on inside; learn to listen to your inner voice, concerns, and knowing.
Ask, “What is this feeling?”
A sample inner dialogue may sound like this:
“I am feeling disappointed.
Oh, when did you start feeling it? (listen for an answer)
Ok, what was happening that brought this feeling to your attention? (answer)
Oh, ok, I understand. (Repeat back what you heard)
You were expecting a raise and your boss said the company is stalling because of Covid economy problems. Not only are you disappointed but also kinda scared about money, mad, or deceived... again.”Have your own conversation with yourself.
3. Ask yourself: What do I need to gain closure to what is being experienced?
Take action to resolve the issue that is bothering you in ways that build your relationship (with yourself or others). Ask for support if you desire, from your partner or another skilled person.
In our example, the closure may come as expressing your feelings to a trusted companion, friend, or coach, and then resolving to accept and hopefully forgive the situation and commit to being more patient about your raise. Set your intention to advocate for your raise, or be open to accepting some other financial surprise.
4. Learn to clean out your lifelong storehouse of unresolved emotions.
Trauma or strong experiences make an imprint in us, that can echo throughout our lives. When we take the time to really listen to the younger self and heal the wounds, then we feel freer. We can lay the foundation for a new belief about ourselves and our world. Often, this is best done with the guidance of a counselor, coach, or mentor. Schedule a consultation with Jim or Ruth Sharon to find out how coaching can help with you with this process.
5. Keep your inner world clean, clear, sacred and whole, with daily practices (ask Ruth or Jim Sharon for practices specifically tailored for your situation and needs). After you clear out some of the stored emotions, fill the space with positive thoughts, visions, and hopes. Affirm, “I am safe. I can handle this, with support.” or whatever relaxes you deeply. Thank yourself for taking the time and focus to remove old stuff that is not helpful right now.
We’d appreciate telling us what you discover! Please leave us your comments here or on our Facebook page.
Your Relationship Coach,
Ruth Sharon
Lic. Professional Counselor
Wellness and Relationship Coach
www.soulfulcouples.com
ruth@soulfulcouples.com
Ruth Sharon is a relationship coach, Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), and Registered Yoga Teacher (RYT). Her passion is facilitating couples to enhance the vitality of their relationship and make healthy lifestyle choices. Ruth shares her wisdom, compassion and humor with individuals, couples, families, and groups. Ruth and her husband, who have been married since 1970, co-authored Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship, SkyLight Paths Publishing, 2014. They are delighted to offer coaching for couples and singles, in person and virtually, as well as transformative couples’ retreats, seminars and online courses.
