Valentine's Day

Aaah, Retreats!

In late February of this year, my wife Ruth and I engaged in a five-day guided, silent retreat, the latest of many similar ones in which we’ve participated. I’ll soon describe that experience. 

Firstly, wordsmith that I am, I want to discuss two contrasting meanings of the word retreat. 

The traditional definition is to withdraw, as when forced to pull back from a military position. 

Another, which is apropos to the kinds of retreats Ruth and I get involved with, is to re-treat, i.e. to once again treat or nourish oneself. Besides having a salient rejuvenating or revitalizing effect, our retreats are designed to promote new insights, perspectives, goal-setting, and deeper connection with the Divine. Thus, these retreats propel us forward, rather than backward, as in the more common definition of the word. 

This last February, Ruth and I were part of a ten-person group that attended a Sufi retreat at a bird haven in Sarasota, Florida that was led by Devi, our spiritual guide of 14 years. Devi, the head of the healing branch of our North American Sufi order, has been facilitating retreats in many parts of the world for about two decades. Each retreatant is assigned their own room in one of several houses on a large property that includes a gorgeous lake, creek, and numerous trees and flowering bushes. Various birds proliferate and turtles are abundant in the lake.

The group met daily at 8:00 am and at 5:00 pm for about a half hour of guided meditation, including an inspirational talk by Devi. Each of us met individually with Devi for 10 to 20 minutes every morning to check in and to receive recommended practices for the day. Most of the retreat was unstructured and left to each of the participants to determine how we wanted to spend the day and night. Eating when we wanted, each of us prepared our own breakfasts and lunches from a lot of healthy (mostly organic) food that was provided; delicious dinners were cooked for us. We upheld silence during meals.

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Most of us, myself included, spent a lot of time sitting or walking in nature. We absorbed both macrocosmic and microcosmic sights and sounds, such as on the horizon, and very subtle details, e.g. on flowers or rocks. I enjoyed swimming in a small outdoor pool, despite the chilly water. I was especially mesmerized by the large, graceful birds flying above and sitting in the trees, along with the ultra-peaceful turtles. Up to ten turtles at a time emerged from swimming in the lake to sitting so very still bunched together on a six-foot in diameter circular wire built for them in the center of the lake. A huge array of bright green, leafy trees lined the area all around the lake. Occasionally, I was awed by surprises such as a flock of white egrets crossing a street, seeing a brightly-colored bird, or staring at a mother turtle swimming alongside the one baby turtle I ever spotted.

Engaging in customized Sufi practices, reading a book written by the founder of our Sufi order, and journaling insights and future plans further filled my days and nights. I felt tenderly held and very connected to G-d through most of my retreat! Aaah, indeed!

Ruth and I are now beginning to offer one or two-day guided personal retreats, Doorways to Being, to assist people in suspending their busy (often overactive), stressed lives to make much deeper contact with their inner selves. Go here to learn more about how we can help you create a supportive retreat environment right in your own home. Give yourself the gift of nourishment for your body, mind, heart, and soul!

Toward the One,

Your Relationship Guide,

Jim Sharon
(303) 796-7004
jim@energyforlife.us

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Jim Sharon, EdD is a licensed psychologist and couples' coach who has over four decades of professional experience serving thousands as a counselor, as a life and relationship coach, and as a seminar and retreat facilitator. Dr. Sharon has authored two books and many professional publications, most recently, Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship (with Ruth Sharon, MS), published by SkyLight Paths, 2014. Jim and Ruth have been married since 1970, have raised three adult children, and have three young granddaughters.

The Energy of Love

February, the love month, most notably celebrated on the Hallmark holiday of Valentine’s Day, is here again. Love is one of, if not the most, common topics in books, articles, movies, songs, and discussions. However, love has so many facets and dimensions that we gain much more from developing heart, gut, and mental wisdom about love through life experience than we do from describing it. 

I assert that the essence of G-d, or the Source of All, is Love and that humans, made in G-d’s image, are hardwired with the basic need to love and be loved. Of course, we all have different propensities for giving and receiving love, but we can continually grow in our capacity to love. While modalities and assessment tools such as astrology, the Enneagram, Myers Briggs, and the “five love languages” can reveal our propensities, each of us is far from limited by whatever characteristics are depicted. An axiom: the more you love yourself, the more love you can genuinely give and graciously receive.

Love is much more beautiful, rich, and meaningful as a verb than as a noun (i.e. just something you hold in your heart). I invite you to explore with your beloved (or with a close family member or friend if you’re not partnered) various ways that you express love. Mention what you perceive about your own expressions and solicit the other’s observations. Doing so can be very mutually affirming and is likely to create some insights and openings for each of you!

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Here is a sample of my common, diverse expressions of love:

Toward my wife:  

  • Actively supporting Ruth to fulfill her life purposes

  • Gentle touches and caresses

  • Offering many types of humor; being playful and silly

  • Contributing a lot toward house and yard maintenance, cooking, and doing laundry

With my adult children and granddaughters:

  • Affirming their qualities and talents

  • Doing special activities, including travel, together

  • Joining in their chosen forms of play and fantasy

  • Engaging in meaningful discussions

In my counseling and coaching practice:

  • Being present during interactions with my clients

  • Offering compassionate support and authentic, direct feedback

  • Asking evocative questions

  • Providing different or new perspectives

In my community:

  • Facilitating group meditations and healing services

  • Preparing dinners for and interacting with vetted homeless people

  • Writing newsletter blogs about couples and family relationships

  • Facilitating private and group couples events and retreats

I really hope that you follow my suggestion to devote some sustained time to speak with your partner or a close loved one about your many ways of giving love. Please refrain from modeling my terse examples; just let the conversation flow and diverge, while remaining on topic. If you’d like, you could add additional categories of those with whom you relate, such as friends or extended family members.

As always, I’d welcome hearing about your unanticipated reactions or exciting revelations.

Join the conversation on our Facebook Soulful Couples Community Page.

Toward the glory of love!

Your Relationship Coach,

Jim Sharon
(303) 796-7004
jim@energyforlife.us

Jim Sharon Headshot.jpg

Jim Sharon, EdD is a licensed psychologist and couples' coach who has over four decades of professional experience serving thousands as a counselor, as a life and relationship coach, and as a seminar and retreat facilitator. Dr. Sharon has authored two books and many professional publications, most recently, Secrets of a Soulful Marriage: Creating and Sustaining a Loving, Sacred Relationship (with Ruth Sharon, MS), published by SkyLight Paths, 2014. Jim and Ruth have been married since 1970, have raised three adult children, and have three young granddaughters.